It wasn’t love at first sight

It wasn’t love at first sight. There, I said it!

Nobody, absolutely no one can prepare you for the tumultuous ride of what being a mother is and the demands that it can come with!

After an exciting and uneventful nine months and a 14 hour long labour, they handed me my little ‘bundle of joy’ and though my joy did know no bounds, it was short lived! Mind you, I was thrilled that I was finally a mum and still reeling from the feeling of awe that I had just pushed a human being from my body but I was definitely not prepared to now take care of this little being completely dependent on me!

The first few weeks were a blur! I’ve always been a person who loved my sleep and it took me awfully long to get used to caring for a new born! I dreaded going to bed every night because now ‘going to bed’ was just not the same. One minute my daughter would be gazing at me with the most heart melting stare and the next she’d be screaming her lungs out while I had to frantically wrack my brains on how to get her to calm down! Babies, I’ve been told, can cry for a number of reasons or for none at all! Who knew!??

They say the first year is tough but tough here is an understatement! Just when I thought I’d finally figured out my daughter ( whose only means of communication was crying!) there’d be a new challenge right round the corner that would leave me frantic and at my wits end!

Eventually, it was only time that did the trick. After nights and days blurring to one and many an afternoon spent biting my finger nails to the nub, I gradually started getting to know my baby girl-and what an adventure it has been!

Leanna Faith has one heck of a personality! She is such a bright little girl and loves people! In her eyes, there is absolutely no discrimination – she will smile and say a cherry ‘Hi’ to the autowala or the haughty lady walking down the road! She is full of life and has the widest smile when I tell her “Let’s have a hair wash!” She loves water and everything outdoors! She is the biggest fan of my cooking and never forgets to say ‘yummy yummy’ while eating her meals! She’s my little helper now and loves it when I tell her to put back the dishes or ask her to hand me the clothes one by one while I dry them up!

One day, when I was busy going about well, being busy, she looks at me and says –
“Pretty Mama!”
If ever an under appreciated mum felt prouder/prettier, this has to be one of those moments!

She sometimes takes my breath away, that Leanna! She’s probably the most observant child I’ve ever met! She is unafraid of adventure and trying out new things and I happen to be her partner in crime!

I could go on and on talking about my baby girl and it still wouldn’t compare to actually being with her in person!

She turned two last week and it amazes me to see how beautifully she has grown and what a loving heart she’s got!

So it wasn’t love at first sight! Nah.

It was love when she held my finger while I was changing her nappy in the middle of the night.

It was love when she looked me in my eyes and smiled that toothless smile.

It was love when she cradled her head closer still when rocking her to sleep.

It was love when she held my hand to steady herself before taking her first step.

It was love when she ran into my arms after I came home from an afternoon out with my sister.

It was love when in the mundane day-to-day of life of caring for her, I stopped and looked back and realised how far we’d come and how much I’d learned!

It was love when with every passing month, I got to know her just a little bit more!

My experience being a mum reminds me what it actually means to have a relationship with our Heavenly Father.

It took time (a lot of it!) for me to build a relationship with my daughter. (We’re still building…and growing!) It took getting to know her to actually be able to know her (if that makes sense!) It took a lot out of me to sometimes just stop and get down to her level just so I can see what she sees.

A relationship is all that…and more! The Bible says that God knew us even before we were conceived but how much of HIM do we know of? How much time have we spent with Him just getting to know Him more? If I, as a parent yearn to listen and spend time with my children, how much more would God want to listen to us!

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3 Comments

  1. Lovely Rach.. I love the way you have explained your experience. I know it is not easy to a mom of two with few months of difference of age between the two. Let me tell you “You are an incredible mom and you have done well”. God bless.

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